How cruel and unfair of her, you say? How demeaning for her to want to take this man texting her and finagle him into the friend zone! How can she possibly live with herself Well wait just a gosh-darned second there. This guy texting her is also trying to finagle her into wanting him Meanwhile, she's thinking that if she texts him enough, he'll end up being her platonic guy pal. Why this mismatch of desires between texter and textee?
Because women have a lot of options with men, and multiple positions any one of those men might best fill.
Women want men who can be "just friends" for them Women with male friends are more likely to get help in times of need, more likely to be successful in their lives, careers, and other endeavors, and much more. And clearly, if you're a guy texting things like, "How's it going? But you might just make a great friend Don't be ambiguous about why you're texting, and don't beat around the bush. We'll cover this more below, in the section on mechanics. They're all trying to get girls "comfortable" with them over text message!
And then she'll have to date me! Furthermore, you cannot get girls comfortable with text messages. The very reason that texting feels so appealing as a medium for doing comfort-building i. A lot of newer guys skip this step. It just feels easier to ask for the number.
After all, if she says "no," all she's rejecting is giving you her phone number, right? It's not like she's rejecting a date with you or anything! But that's preposterous. If she rejects giving you her phone number, by extension she's rejecting all future possibilities of the two of you doing anything together, ever. And that includes dates.
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When you go to get a girl's phone number , exactly as we discussed in that article on phone numbers linked to there, you must ask for the date FIRST! Not only does this actually make it easier makes things to get phone numbers from girls Girl: I know, right? I thought I was going to die for a minute! That girl was crazy! You: Hey, I'm going to have to jet in a minute, but we should grab a drink or some food this week or early next.
What's your schedule like? Girl: Oh, I don't know, I'll have to take a look. I think I'm free on Sunday.
You: Cool, I'll text you. What's your number? Isn't that way easier than the big productions most men make of trying to get phone numbers? Furthermore, doesn't that make things way more straightforward when you want to text her later? Don't you know exactly what you need to do now? If you want my opinion, you ought to open up your phone right now and delete every phone number you have from a girl you didn't ask on a date before getting her phone number.
Or, if you'd rather take a stab before deleting those numbers, then text every single one of them right now something like:.
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Any girl you get "yeah, sure" or a "how about we do XYZ instead" from, hang onto; you can work with that. Any girl you get a "no, I really can't" or a "sorry, I'm busy" from, just delete. And every number you get from here on out, before you get it, make absolutely sure you've gotten it in the context of doing so in order to set up and plan for a date. No more figuring out what to text her. No more pacing back and forth in your room deciding what you should say. Now you know what to say: you're going to text her to find out when she wants to meet.
The longer you wait after getting a girl's number to text her, the weirder it starts to feel.
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There are a variety of "weirdness" factors that come into play:. You need to break the ice. Breaking the ice gives you the freedom to be more natural later. The awkwardness of wondering whether the conversation will be normal, natural, and comfortable over text is gone, and this new girl knows that you are going to follow up with her, and doesn't have to wonder now whether you will or not. Breaking the ice sets the tone for you to text women later on without having to introduce yourself or use call backs to when you met to refresh her memory of the emotions she felt while meeting you - because you cemented them while they were still fresh in her mind.
You: Wonderful to meet you, new friend : -Steve. You: Glad to have met you : -Steve. It's short because this is just to break the ice, and to reassure her that you aren't one of these guys who's already flipping out for her writing her novels even though he knows next to nothing about her yet. You communicate from the outset that you're adhering to the Law of Least Effort and that meeting a new girl isn't a big deal to you like it is for many men, who are then quick to deluge women with volumes and volumes of text. You use friend where possible because you want to confuse and intrigue her a little bit.
Do you like her or not?
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She thinks you do She's guessing Most guys just verbally state their interest right away, and kill the intrigue, excitement, and mystery. Women don't want men like that If a girl seemed to really like you and view you as far higher status than she views herself though, you may elect to drop "friend" so as not to send her into auto-rejection , thinking she can't get you.
And you sign your name because she may well have forgotten it, or if she wants to brush you off she can use this as an easy way to do so. She's either going to:. Not be able to dismiss you by saying, "Who's this? Very, very occasionally, you will get a girl writing, "Who?
This is almost always a brush-off attempt ; don't respond back by telling her who it is. When I get something like this from a girl - it's rare, but it still happens - I usually just delete the number as no good and move on. You can still play around with numbers like this for practice if you want When should you send an icebreaker text?
About 1 to 4 hours after meeting her. You can sometimes go sooner, although 30 minutes is about the soonest you want to do this. If you wait too much longer than 3 or 4 hours, you're getting into awkward territory And don't worry about getting a response; you're texting to break the ice, not open a dialogue. You'll still get dates and lovers from women who don't respond to your icebreaker text; it's just icing on the cake if they do respond. You know those old dating guides that tell you to wait 3 days or a week or whatever it is before even calling a girl?
If she was excited about you when you met her, text her to set up the date the next day, or even that day if you met her in the afternoon or morning. You'll find you can quickly set up dates for the same day or following day with women who are excited to meet you, and these are always your best bets - the emotions are fresh, the desire is hot, and you create that whirlwind romance feeling that most women dream of experiencing all their lives. If she was just nice toward you when you met her, text her 1 or 2 days later.
If you wait longer than that, she may just say, "Ah, I wasn't that interested.
Never mind. If you've already been out on a date, see the guide on second dates.